By BloggersUnite.org _ 
September 30, 2009 Bart Scrivner But the study doesn't say anything about lower-class neighborhoods. South Central's not near the freeway. Malibu might have more traffic, but is near the ocean. But there' s no premie hospital there.
"The team of scientists from UCLA and University of California, Irvine studied babies born in Long Beach, near the Ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach, and in adjacent Orange County. Those areas are traversed by several major freeways used by commuters as well as heavy-duty trucks delivering goods to and from the ports."
"The babies in the study were born between 1997 and 2006 at four hospitals: Long Beach Memorial and three in Orange County--Anaheim Memorial, Orange Coast Memorial in Fountain Valley and Saddleback Memorial in Laguna Hills."
All true: But the story isn't about the specific study cited. Nor will it be about Malibu or South Central. We just mentioned those communities to make a point: We can assume a certain amount of disparities between rich and poor communities and their access to care. The story isn't going to try and point that out and claim we discovered something.
In the end - the story will be shaped by the reporter who, once we have in place, will develop the pitch a little further and provide blog updates to those that support him/her. It may end up focusing on two of the hospitals from that study - it might not. It's too early to tell right now.
Thanks for the feedback!
So re-write the proposal, because it's misleading and wrong. You're not making a point, you're poisoning the well.
"We can assume a certain amount of disparities between rich and poor communities and their access to care."
Well, no you can't assume. Real reporters don't start off with a specific agenda. They go out to see what really happened. Unless you're writing propaganda.
The point is more of the hypothesis to be tested is whether or not disparities exist.
Funny - I just had a conversation this week with a Pulitzer Prize winning reporter who literally said "I'm going to test this hypothesis" in regards to another investigation.
Reporters make assumptions all the time. That's half of what they do actually.
They don't claim them as fact, however, until they've tested it and done research. If we ignore facts - then it is propoganda. There you are absolutetly correct. But every good investigation starts with a hypothesis or assumption - otherwise how would one know where to start, who to c
I myself don't see this pitch as as misleading. We literally write
"What we want to know is: What is the level of care received by women of various geographic and diverse income levels."
But for you - I'll change it from Malibu to Beverly Hills and South Central to Long Beach. I think those are minor changes and in truth - only change this pitch at a very surface level. As I said before - the reporter we hire is really going to own and shape the story.
Slight tangent but possibly useful to other Spot.Us pitchers...
Of course reporters test hypotheses -- but writing a pitch is all about framing an issue in an editor's mind so that s/he is fully on board with the premise. Furthermore, the reporter should have done a bit of prereporting so that at the very least there is an anecdote supporting the hypothesis. (In this case, there is one -- the study.) That way, if the pitch is accepted, you know you're not going on nothing at all. This one probably should have been worded differently -- the word "assume" is unnecessary. Good convo.
Very good points.
The word assume is actually from one of my comments - not the pitch itself. In the pitch I say "It probably goes without saying that....."
By which I mean: most people probably understand and would expect that the level of care in an affluent neigborhood is better than a non-affluent one. I think in the pitch this is not the turning point of the story. I don't expect people to contribute money to find out this situation - because as I say "it probably goes without saying." But now we are getting into semantics.
But you are right: There is an art and craft to preparing a pitch - especially a public pitch. I think that is one of the interesting things that spot.us does - we are certainly pushing journalism in that respect to be more public and transparent - hence the conversation just about the story idea itself!
My mistake on the assume
will be interesting to see development of a "community" on here and the tone it takes...
Totally agree. In the end - we want this to be a community site. That's actually part of the reason why we ask people register under their real names. Even I often comment under my real name (David Cohn) - but also use this account just so folks know it's coming from the site itself.
I think we are just getting started ;)
I think these conversations are good when conducted in a good constructive spirit. This is new, huh? The journalist is going to get started soon (she will introduce herself) and even before that - we've had a robust coversation.
Best
So the story really has nothing to do with air pollution and premature infants, right?
@Bart
The story will definitely be about premature births. Air pollution, if it comes up at all, would be a side to the story I imagine. As stated in the pitch - this is going to look more at the care provided than the causes of premature births. I think that is clear to anyone who reads the pitch. We say
"We want to hire a reporter who will exaimine the care provided by two distinct neigborhoods in Los Angeles to inquire about differences in quality."
But, as I continue to say: The story is not pre-written. Who knows what the reporter will find out. Maybe the reporter will find out that air pollution makes it harder to care for premature births. That would be a strange connection to make - but I'm just making a point: the story will result from the reporting. The reporting will be on looking at two different communities in LA and seeing what care is provided.
The reporter may also want to look at level of education and educational opportunities in considering the differences between the geographical conditions, thereby distinguishing between quality and availability of care and the demographics of the populations in need of care.
@ Richard Becker
Level of education may play a factor in the level of care though there tends to be a direct correlation between income levels and education levels. If the reporter discovers, after investigation, that there are more preemie deaths in areas where there are fewer educational opportunities, it still comes down to an issue of income levels. Certainly geographical conditions may be a contributing factor too though this may be more the case in parts of the countries where medical care is affected by the inability of the patient to access care due the geographical conditions.
